Hey, raise your hand if any of the following thoughts sound familiar?
“I get job rejection after rejection. I’m such a loser. I’ll never get a job.”
“Why my friends didn’t hit like on the photo from Grand Canyon I posted on FB yesterday? Do they even care about me?”
“A guy on a second date said to me that we are not the right fit. No one likes me. I’ll be all alone for the rest of my life.”
These certainly were my thoughts!
I stopped counting rejections at 10,000. In my life I lived and worked in Europe, Australia, and the US, changed professions, looked for jobs, got divorced, went through 4 years of dating, worked towards building a business – can you even imagine how many times I heard NO?
I can comfortably say 10x more often than yes.
If you don’t learn how to deal with rejection, you’ll never live a fulfilling and successful life.
Here’s what I’ve learned about the rejection and how I deal with it successfully.
Understanding rejection
Today we have more opportunities to get rejected than ever before. Rejection is not limited only to rejection at dating, job search, or friendship. Social media is a great platform to feel rejected. When no one comment on your post or no one hit that like or heart icon, we feel rejected. Some people compete with others on how many followers they have and believe that number of followers proves their worth.
Whether the rejection is massive (losing a job, partner leaves you) or small (not getting likes on social media) it hurts more than we expected.
The surprising truth about rejection
Here’s the surprising fact about rejection …
… the greatest damage rejection causes is often self-inflicted.
Why?
Because when we get rejected, we call ourselves names, point out our shortcomings and harshly criticise ourselves. Instead, to soothe the pain of rejection with self-compassion, we increase our emotional pain by self-inflicted harsh criticism.
And that, my friend, is a self-damaging behaviour.
A psychologist Guy Winch in his article Why Rejection Hurts So Much says that the common mistake we do is to assume a rejection is personal.
But it’s not. Most rejections, whether professional, educational, social, romantic happen because we are not the right ‘fit’ for each other.
Rejection is really a redirection to something better.
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6 Facts I’ve learned about rejection
- Rejection is not personal
- Rejection hurts much more when we compare ourselves to others
- When we get rejected, we tend to criticise ourselves harshly which damages our self-worth
- The greatest damage rejection causes is self-inflicted
- We all are drowning in commitments, information and opportunities and the only way to stay sane is to reject most of them
- The more you are attached to the outcome, the more painful rejection is.
Fear of rejection is real and legitimate.
Many people are so afraid of rejection that they don’t pursue their dreams or desires.
Sorry folks, but you can’t avoid rejection.
Here’s how I deal with rejection, and it works for me very well.
I hope it’ll work for you too.
How to deal with rejection in 3 proven steps
Here’s a quick self-compassion exercise, you can do anytime and anywhere when you feel rejected.
How do I treat myself?
Step1: Close your eyes and reflect for a moment on the following question:
Think about how it feels being rejected. What would you say to a friend in this situation? What tone of voice would you use?
Step 2: Now say the same words to yourself. Let kind words soothe your pain.
Step 3: Put this statement on the wall: “Rejection is redirection. Something way much better is waiting for me.”
Now you know how to deal with rejection. Get out there, girl, and follow your dreams.
Questions about handling rejection? Leave them in the comments and I’ll surely get them answered for you.
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