Home \ Blog \ How Not to Be a People Pleaser

How Not to Be a People Pleaser

You’ve heard this countless times.

Put your needs first. You can’t make everyone happy. So you must put yourself first.

You know all this.

Would you describe yourself as a people-pleaser?

Do you over-stretch yourself for others because you want to make them happy?

So, how to live a life true to yourself? How to set healthy boundaries with ease and confidence?

The problem is that you don’t know the difference between being nice and being a people-pleaser.

Here’s the truth about people-pleasing!

 

I learned people-pleasing behaviour in childhood in order to get my needs met.

It was a valid strategy because I was dependent on my parents at that time.

But when I grew up and became independent people-pleasing behaviour started to weigh me down.

My people-pleasing behaviour manifested in being breathlessly busy, taking on too many obligations at work, not asking for help, helping everyone else first, and completely forgetting about my needs and desires.

I was highly reliable, hardworking, nice Romana, who helped everyone and was there for everyone. I was a yes girl who didn’t mind working long hours and taking on work from co-workers.

I remember what my boss once said to me. “If you don’t do this work, then who will?”

On the outside, I was nice. But, I grew more and more angry and resentful on the inside. I felt a victim of the situation. I was tired of being nice.

 

 

Do you see the problem?

 

People-pleasers believe that making other people happy is their responsibility. We want to feel accepted and loved. Our worst fear is to disappoint someone.

Listen, it’s not your responsibility to make other people happy.

It’s their responsibility.

Luckily our intuition equipped us with alarm bells that tell us where we need to set boundaries and protect ourselves.

Did you know healthy boundaries are one aspect of self-compassion?

If you prioritise the needs of others over your own, you are not aware of your alarm bells.

What are the alarm bells?

It’s your anger telling you that your boundaries have been violated.

 

What has anger to do with people-pleasing?

 

Maybe you are a people-pleaser through and through and suppress the anger in every possible shape and form.

You are not comfortable with your anger. You shove anger down with your boundaries. You feel anger, and you shame yourself for experiencing it.

Anger is the most misunderstood emotion.

When cultural programming doesn’t align with what we feel, we believe that’s something wrong with us, and we feel stuck and confused.

The truth is, nothing is wrong with you. Therefore, you don’t need to fix yourself. 

It’s that no one showed you what healthy anger management is. That’s all.

You need to unlearn how you deal with anger and learn how to have the right relationship with anger.

 

What would’ve happened if you met anger with acceptance and compassion? 

What would’ve happened if you accepted yourself with love when you were angry?

 

We were taught that anger is a negative emotion, and it needs to be avoided for any cost.

Our culture has complicated the relationship with anger. Anger makes us uncomfortable. We don’t know how to deal with anger other than suppressing it.

 

Want to Banish Overwhelm and Frustration from Your Vocabulary? Click here and learn how to do it in just 5 days.

 

Did you like this blog post? Pin it! (Click on the image below)

 

How not to be a people pleaser

Latest Posts

Suffering from Rushing Women Syndrome?

Suffering from Rushing Women Syndrome?

Sometimes I think being breathlessly busy is the modern way of living, and there's nothing we can do about it. But is it true? I hear so many women saying, "I'm so busy. I don't have time." And I'm guilty of that too. However, one day I was sitting on the beach,...

How to Achieve Your Goals, Even If You Lost Motivation

How to Achieve Your Goals, Even If You Lost Motivation

Have you ever enthusiastically started working towards your goal, but by mid-year, you lost your motivation?  You feel stuck, unsure of what steps to take towards your goals. It feels daunting, overwhelming and blah.  We've all been there.  #1 Reason Why You Don't...

11 Things Productive People Do

11 Things Productive People Do

Have you ever googled how to be more productive? You've tried all tips and tricks out there, yet nothing really worked?  You're a very busy woman, ticking off things on your to-do list, yet your to-do list doesn't get any shorter. How come? Where did you go wrong?...

How to Make the Right Decisions in Your Business

How to Make the Right Decisions in Your Business

How to know that you are making the right decisions in your business? So often, we get overwhelmed and confused with all the advice out there. We hear so much contradictive advice from various experts and successful people. More often than not, we get stuck in...

How I Healed Thyroid Problems

How I Healed Thyroid Problems

Thyroid problems in women and poor thyroid health are reaching epidemic proportions. It's scary how many women struggle with exhaustion, getting out of bed in the morning, foggy mind, chronic lack of energy. Thyroid Problems I've been there. My thyroid problems went...

Pin It on Pinterest