Do you set 100.000 goals for yourself because you are an overachiever?
Do you go down the rabbit hole of shame because you can’t keep up with your goals?
Do you beat yourself up for how inconsistent you are and how much you fail?
Busyness has become a new social status. It’s like a badge of honour.
I’ve signed up for an online writing course with one of the most famous bloggers in the US. He told us that we need to write a minimum of 3 hrs every day, rain or shine. He wants us to get up between 3 am – 5 am and write every single day for a year. That means weekends, public holidays, vacations, wedding anniversaries, birthdays, earthquakes etc. No excuses.
His demand triggered me.
This is a huge commitment. My days can be quickly crazy busy because I’m a perfectionist, overachiever and curious person. So even though I simplified my life a lot, sometimes I still urged to do it all and do it right.
Ahhh, perfectionism. Can you relate?
That’s when it hit me:
Triggers are our best teachers. My spiritual teacher Leonard Jacobson always says: “If someone triggers you say thank you, for he’s showing you what’s unhealed within you.”
And this is where most people run into trouble.
Most people don’t know that triggers are their best teachers because no one showed them how to work with them.
Here’s the trigger’s lesson:
In life coaching, we teach that people see the world and other people through their lenses. Therefore, every person we meet is our teacher and our student.
The famous blogger taught me to assess the level of “doing”. To examine whether I overextend myself to the point that I become unnecessarily exhausted.
It’s hard to look honestly into ourselves and admit that we are not perfect and that we have flowed. Relief comes from acknowledging that you are not perfect, and that’s okay.
The real reason why you keep yourself crazy busy
The real reason is the self-betrayal we learned in childhood. We learned that our needs are not necessary. We haven’t been seen or heard the way we needed to be. To be loved, seen, and heard, we learned to betray our authentic self, needs, and desires. We believe that we need to be perfect to be loved.
How does this childhood belief show up in your adult life?
3 pitfalls that will tank your time boundaries
You become a high achiever or overachiever to feel worthy. It’s common for overachievers to diminish their achievements and strive for more. You use self-criticism as a motivation tool. That’s a coping mechanism that leads to critical perfectionism and overcommitment. Eventually, it leads to burnout and health problem.
2. A Yes girl
You are likely a yes girl who says yes even when you mean no. The fear of not being like it’s too overwhelming, so you let other people hijack your day. You are there for everyone, except for yourself. Being needed gives you a sense of purpose. But, on the other hand, it leaves you depleted when people don’t return the attention. That leads to questioning your self-worth.
3. Too many goals
You set 100.000 goals for yourself, and your daily to-do list is a mile or 1.6 km long. Of course, you can’t accomplish it, even if you are a superhuman. When you don’t achieve your goals, you beat yourself up mercilessly. That leads to questioning your worth, your abilities. You enter the hamster wheel of shame. Potentially it leads to over-eating and over-drinking to numb your emotional pain.
What’s the solution?
5 Tips on How to Make More Time for Yourself
The solution is simple. But not easy. It takes time. The true answer is in fulfilling your needs. Busyness is a coping mechanism helping us to escape facing our true selves.
1. Assess your level of “doing” for others
Examine whether you overextend yourself to the point that you become exhausted. Why is that? Is your health worth it?
Examine how much time you allocate to having fun. What do you like to do for fun?
Your goal: Confront your core reasons for diminishing your time boundaries and risking your health unnecessarily.
2. Commit to only one thing
This is important, especially for overachievers. Start with only one commitment for 30 days. Choose one thing to be consistent with. Not five, or three, but one. Pay attention to how many times a day you say, “I have to.” Or “I must.” Replace them with “I choose to.”
Your goal: Catch yourself when the thought crosses your mind, “I will do both.” Stop and pick only one of the options.
3. Bring more fun into your life
We often forget about having fun. Joy is supposed to be a part of everyday life. Our high paced society depleted us of many joyful moments. The core focus became more money, more education, more achievements.
Your goal: List a few things that bring you joy. Do one of them every day. It can be as simple as a nap, a walk, playing with children for 20 min or cuddling with a dog.
4. Soak in the present moment
This is essential. Live in the moment. When you don’t need to think, be present with your breath, the taste of your food, etc. Living in the moment helps you observe but not believe in your inner critic’s words.
Your goal: To experience how healing it is to live in the present moment. Healing is enhanced when you are focused on the now.
5. Trust your judgements
Your body always knows what’s right for you. Start by listening to your body if you don’t see how – start paying attention to how a decision you’ve made feels in your body. If you feel contraction – the decision you’ve made is wrong. If you feel expansion – the decision is correct.
Your goal: To trust yourself and your judgements. Learn how your body communicates with you.
That’s what we do in Joyful Essentailst coaching. First, we look at patterns that keep you stuck in over-committing and the inability to set healthy boundaries. Then we find a solution to it so that you bring more joy, ease and peace of mind into your life.
Want to banish overwhelm, exhaustion and frustration from your vocabulary? Click here and learn how to do it in just 5 days.
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